OP and WOP

Day Twelve: 2/23 – Transfer to the Pandaw River Boat (day #1)
Title: OP & WOP

The geriatric portion of the journey has officially begun! This place is worse than ECC (Eugene Country Club)! Tim picked us up with the Purdon’s this morning and took us to another hotel. We are meeting all of the other passengers here, loading up in buses and driving to our embarkation point. We have an hour to kill at the hotel before all of the other passengers are required to show up.

I know I need not point this out but I CLEARLY am the only one in the meeting room with naturally NOT gray hair. I am in a conference like room where all the passengers are set to gather. The room is nicely appointed. It is probably 10 feet by 20 feet. So it is not a huge room. I would liken the room to hell. One guy just walked in who is clearly going to be the most obnoxious passenger on the ship. We are going to call him OP. I was alone in the room at this point because I want to be blogging this stuff “live”. OP just came over and introduced himself to me. The fact that I was clearly typing and not interested in him didn’t seem to dissuade him from coming over. He is from Canada. That’s all I really heard.

Clearly it is a small world. He left to go find his wife somewhere and John P. just walked back in the door. We are the only two people in the room. He looks like he was just punched in the stomach. He knows OP from back home! He used to work with his wife and can’t stand them! This clearly does not surprise me. I have a pretty good tool detector. Oh man… OP has competition for number one obnoxious passenger. His wife really is a handful. Please pray that they are located on the opposite side of the boat from us.

OP just greeted another guy with a “hello fellow tea drinker”. The other tea drinker looks like an 80 year-old Frenchman. He clearly thinks OP is a tool as well. OP feels compelled to teach everyone in the room how to create instant coffee. Clearly he is the only guy smart enough to figure this out without assistance.

Watching the door open each time with the arrival of the next passenger is an interesting experience. My stomach is actually turning a little bit. I don’t know what I did to deserve EIGHT days with these people. I think I am a fairly good person. God clearly does not.

A miracle just happened. Someone under the age of 60 walked through the door. Unfortunately she is a female but I’ll take any youth at this point. I think she is an American… maybe here with her mom and aunt? I’m sure I’ll figure that out later.

I wish I could take a picture of all these people without being painfully obvious. You all would appreciate it. A man just sat in the seat next to me. He was clearly trying to read what I am writing. I think he may have gotten a little offended by my geriatric comment… but that is his problem for reading my private writings :~> And he looks like he is 75, so he can’t really argue with the truth of the statement now can he?

Most of the people getting on this boat to seem to be fairly overweight. I think old and fat people like cruises because they are often all you can eat and don’t require or even allow for a lot of movement. It really is amazing. One fat woman after another keeps walking through the door. I must admit that I kind of like it because I feel like a super model ;~> If only there was a single male on the boat under 65 to hit on! I am sad to report Mikey… I don’t think your prognostication of me meeting Mr. Right on the boat trip is going to come true :~<

OP’s wife has the most obnoxious piercing laugh you have ever heard. I can see why John P. doesn’t particularly care for her and I have only been sitting across the room from her for ten minutes. I have a feeling that she will become a common character in the blog for the next nine days. From here on out I will address OP’s wife as WOP (wife of obnoxious passenger).

Our first severe case of Parkinson’s just came through the door. You know I love you Pop, but I don’t think this is the type of trip where our pace of movement would be compatible. I want to go on trips with you (Pop… he is my grandpa) where we can talk and you can teach me, not action packed adventures. I don’t know that I will be able to adhere to the “no man left behind” motto. PG (Parkinson’s grandma) just might have to go ;~>

We are now on the bus and WOP has directions for everyone. She thinks that the music needs to be turned off. She just announced that to everyone on the bus. Now OP just walked up to the driver and told him to turn the music off. Unfortunately the driver did it. WOP applauded loudly. No one else on the bus made any noise, instead they all just looked at her. This is REALLY going to be a long EIGHT days ;~>

It was just announced that the bus trip is going to be four and half hours long…. blah… I have nice Bose sound canceling headphones. Those plugged in to my ipod at full blast are not loud enough to block WOP’s voice. This is going to be a VERY long four plus hours.

The bus ride is bumpy and a little warm. Mom surely would have thrown up by now. The scenery is kind of interesting but a little monotonous. Lots of farmland (rice fields), houses (many of which are made of bamboo and average probably 300sq feet) and the occasional cow wandering down the highway. I’m sure this is supposed to be a two-lane highway but if another bus like ours tried to pass us, it wouldn’t fit.

We just completed a fifteen-minute stop at a bridge, Spean Praptes, which was built more than a thousand years ago. It is still in use today. Pretty amazing stuff. Overhead door should have asked the guys who built the bridge how to make an electronic gate work properly.

Have I mentioned that I don’t like squatter toilets? Picture this scene: We stopped at the 1000 year-old bridge. Our bus director, Paulie, announces there are nice bathrooms. Very close to the bridge there is a sign with an arrow that says “W.C. 500”. This of course means that for 500 Riel you can use the “water closet” aka toilet. The outhouse building was located in the back of a very rustic house. While waiting in the queue two little girls and their mom, who I presume live in the house, walked up with a basket full of creatures from the river. Most of the things looked like regular fish but there were a few that looked like some type of eel. The biggest fish was probably a pound and our guide identified it as a catfish. There was a cow wandering around in close proximity (i.e. I could have touched it), lots of chickens and a few ducks. When it was finally my turn to use the facilities, I discovered that it was a squatter. Men are so lucky. I tried to go for a good minute or two but I just couldn’t make my muscles relax. The combination of sounds and smells were too much for me. This wasn’t a ginormous problem because I didn’t have to go tremendously bad… but I did waste 12 cents trying ;~>

After another two and half hours of driving we arrived in Skuon. This is a very tiny place with one main attraction, SPIDERS. Joel would love it. The second you step off the bus you are accosted by people trying to sell you deep fried spiders and crickets. Our guide ate a few for us (she is a native Cambodian) and confirmed that they do in fact taste like chicken. She prefers to eat the legs. I wanted to try a leg just to tell Joel I did but dad suggested attracting a bacterial malady would not be a good idea. He won and I didn’t try it. I do think, however, that everyone on the ship heard that OP and WOP tried the spiders. I’m actually not surprised. I think WOP has eaten anything fried ever placed in front of her.

Dad just dropped a gem. He said “when in doubt, don’t eat it”. I don’t believe he has spent one day of his life living by that motto. I think my family would agree that the opposite tends to be true ;~>

I am now writing from my bed. One hundred square feet is small. Mark off a ten-foot by ten-foot square on the ground with tape. Don’t worry I’ll wait… Now call your dad and invite him over. Okay, now both of you get in the box. You may leave the box three times a day for one to two-hour excursions. All sleeping must occur in the box. Preferably you will have marked off your ten by ten space immediately adjacent to the bathroom because I wouldn’t want you to miss out on any sounds that may come from there. Also, no closing the bathroom door, I want your experience to stay authentic. Please repeat this routine for EIGHT consecutive days.

(I just read that paragraph out loud to dad… he thinks it is unfair because in his opinion the room is bigger than 10 by 10… he is now measuring the distance with his fingers and an umbrella… he wants you to know that the room is actually 11.5 by 10. I stand corrected. Pleas adjust your box accordingly ;~)

My initial impressions of the boat are actually not terrible. With the exception of being pretty buggy it is very clean. I don’t really think there is anything they can do about the bugs because, after all, we are in the middle of a river in Cambodia.

Upon arrival on our boat, the RV Tonle Pandaw, everyone took off his or her shoes for cleaning. Evidently it is easier to clean people’s shoes than all of the boat decks after each excursion. The washing of the shoes gets them pretty wet, so I am happy that I brought two pairs to rotate.

After a short briefing on the sundeck dad and I went to our room. As noted above it is SMALL. I’m certain it is smaller than any bedroom I have ever had. Fortunately it is fairly clean and has well designed space. The bed seems pretty comfortable. There is no Internet on the boat. While not surprising it is slightly disappointing.

The dinner gong, yes there literally is a dinner gong, rang at 7pm. I went down to the dining room. John P and Sigrid were sitting at a table with two empty seats and another couple. I joined them. At the table I met Tom and Linda from British Columbia, Canada. I would guess that they are in their mid fifties to early sixties. They are very friendly and have great senses of humor. Tom uses the phrase “eh” to emphasize many of his points. I like that. I think it is fun. All of the tables in the dining hall are set up for parties of six. I hope that we eat with John P., Sigrid, Tom and Linda for the rest of our trip. I think that I could get along with them for 24 straight meals. Also they can protect me from OP and WOP. A single meal with them may leave me contemplating suicide.

The food at dinner was very good. Breakfast and lunch are buffets and dinner has a set menu with three choices. I had some kind of chicken. My favorite thing about dinner, however, was that they had DIET COKE! That is a most fabulous development. Better yet is that it is all you can drink and included in the price of the trip! I may have trouble drinking $100K worth of soda in eight days but I think can do it ;~>

Our wake up call is early tomorrow (6:30), so I am going to call it a night. I am not sure when my next chance to send this to you will be. We have an excursion in Phnom Penh in two days. I hope at the latest I’ll be able to send it to you then.

Goodnight from the Khmer River,

Katy

P.S. Doctor P’s. favorite color is blue. He thinks he likes it because it reminds him of tropical waters. He also says that he likes blue shirts and blue pants. I’m not sure what Thai food has to do with the color blue but he wants you to know that he likes that too ;~>